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Toxic Faith: Experiencing Healing from Painful
Spiritual
Abuse
Stephen Arterburn & Jack Felton (Shaw Books, Colorado
Springs,
CO. 1991, 2001). 268 pages.
Toxic Faith addresses healing from unhealthy
religious
activity
from the perspective of understanding it as an addiction. According to
the authors (founders of counseling clinics), involvement in these
faith
systems may be seen as an avoidance response to pain. While those
perpetuating
toxic faith systems have varying degrees of culpability, the
individuals
seeking recovery need to face the negative experiences, inner pains and
losses that drove them towards unhealthy faith in the first place.
The authors draw a clear distinction between overcoming
problems
through
healthy faith and a relationship with God versus investing oneself in a
toxic faith system while remaining unhealed. This book discusses why
unhealthy
spiritual systems have such an appeal to those enmeshed in them, in
spite
of their inability to really deliver on the things promised. Here's a
short
sampling of topics discussed:
- Characteristics of a Toxic-Faith
System
- The members of the toxic-faith
system claim their
character,
abilities,
or knowledge make them "special" in some way
- The leader is dictatorial and
authoritarian
- Religious addicts are at war with
the world to protect
their
terrain
and
to establish themselves as godly persons who can't be compared to other
persons of faith
- Toxic faith systems are punitive
in nature
- Religious addicts are asked to
give overwhelming service
- Many religious addicts in the
system are physically ill,
emotionally
distraught,
and spiritually dead
- Communication is from the top
down or from the inside out
- Rules are a distortion of God's
intent and leave him out
of the
relationship
- Religious addicts lack objective
accountability
- The technique of labeling is used
to discount a person
who
opposes the
beliefs of the religious addict
- Rules of a Toxic-Faith System
- The leader must be in control at
all times
- When problems arise, immediately
find a guilty party to
blame
- Don't make mistakes
- Never point out the reality of
the situation
- Never express your feelings
unless they are positive
- Don't ask questions, especially
if they are tough ones
- Don't do anything outside of your
role
- Don't trust anyone
- Nothing is more important than
giving money to the
organization
- At all cost, keep up the image of
the organization or
family
These discussions help the readers to evaluate to what
degree they and
their faith systems are toxic or healthy. At the end of the book, the
authors
provide a questionaire to identify which toxic faith elements are in
the
reader's lives:
Yes
|
No
|
|
o
|
o |
1. Has your family complained
that you are always going
to a
church
meeting rather than spending time with them? |
| o |
o |
2. Do you feel extreme guilt
for being out of church
just one
Sunday? |
| o |
o |
3. Do you sense that God is
looking at what you do, and
if
you don't
do enough, he might turn on you or refuse to bless you? |
| o |
o |
4. Do you often tell your
children what to do without
explaining your
reasons, since you know you are right? |
| o |
o |
5. Do you find yourself with
little time for pleasures
of
earlier years
because you are so busy serving on committees and attending other
church
groups? |
| o |
o |
6. Have people complained that
you use so much
Scripture in
your conversation
that it is hard to communicate with you? |
| o |
o |
7. Are you giving money to a
ministry because you
believe God
will
make you wealthy if you give? |
| o |
o |
8. Have you ever been involved
sexually with a minister
out
of wedlock? |
| o |
o |
9. Is it hard for you to make a
decision without
consulting
your minister?
Even over the small issues? |
| o |
o |
10. Do you see your minister as
more powerful than
other
humans? |
| o |
o |
11. Has your faith led you to
lead an isolated life,
making
it hard
for you to relate to your family and friends? |
| o |
o |
12. Have you found yourself
looking to your minister
for a
quick fix
to a lifelong problem? |
| o |
o |
13. Do you feel extreme guilt
over the slightest
mistakes or
inadequacies? |
| o |
o |
14. Is your most significant
relationship deteriorating
over
your strong
beliefs, compared to those of a "weaker partner?" |
| o |
o |
15. Do you ever have thoughts
of God wanting you to
destroy
yourself
or others in order to go and live with him? |
| o |
o |
16. Do you regularly believe
God is communicating with
you in
an audible
voice? |
| o |
o |
17. Do you feel God is angry
with you? |
| o |
o |
18. Do you believe you are
still being punished for
something
you did
as a child? |
| o |
o |
19. Do you feel if you work a
little harder, God will
finally
forgive
you? |
| o |
o |
20. Has anyone ever told you a
minister was
manipulating your
thoughts
or feelings? |
If you answer yes to three or more of these questions,
they
suggest
you contact them at www.newlife.com.
I
recommend
anyone answering yes to any of these questions to contact a
professional
counselor.
The authors discuss several helpful techniques towards
recovery and
healing from toxic faith practices. A primary need is to overcome the
denial
that a religious addiction exists. Until people can recognize that an
unhealthy
faith system has taken over their lives, dealing with the underlying
causes
of the behavior is not possible. Group therapy, support groups, and a
twelve-step
program are all tools the authors advocate that can help bring about
healing.
The authors know we need healthy interactions with other people and
reliance
upon God to heal and recover.
I'm not convinced that every person caught up in an
unhealthy
or
spiritually
abusive situation is automatically a religious addict running from
pain,
a "churchaholic." Sometimes it is just a matter of being caught in a
spiritual
"trap" or unhealthy church situation. Yet, it cannot be denied that 1)
everybody has pain in their lives, 2) running from pain is a natural
response,
and 3) some faith situations create an artificial "escape" from
problems.
Thus, anyone would benefit from reading this book and evaluating their
circumstances to consider whether or not they have a religious
addiction. Has your faith system really helped bring about intimacy
with God and
healing
from those past pains, or just left you unfulfilled? Has it made things
even worse? Everybody owes themselves an honest answer to these
questions.
Even if you don't have a religious addiction or aren't in an unhealthy
religious environment, the ideas mentioned here can help you and those
you love steer clear of unhealthy spiritual traits and dynamics.
Copyright © 2004 John Engler. All rights
reserved.
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