I began by asking what he thought being such a strong decisive leader with her would entail.  He described what he thought that would involve in terms similar to this definition:  “I would need to think through most everything involving our relationship, figure out what was best and then lead her in these directions.”  No wonder he was anxious!  His definition of decisive leadership boiled down to being an expert in all phases of opposite sex relationships, being always able to determine the absolute best thing to do in any circumstance which arose and to make absolute decisions based on his opinions.  Wow, what a burden with which to be saddled!  Yet, many leaders and would-be leaders assume that decisive leadership involves just such an expertise and approach.

A key Scripture in describing what great leadership includes is hardly ever used in this context-- Proverbs 18:17:  “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”  The one-man show type of leader violates this passage from the very outset of what he thinks leadership is all about.  He decides everything himself, and it all seems very right, especially to him in his self-contained system of reasoning.  I read a recent interview of a former big-time CEO for one of the world’s largest and richest companies.  He talked about leaders who are uncomfortable without a high degree of control over the situations they lead.  (I think he called them “control freaks.”)  They think they have the best ideas and they want those whom they lead to simply value the boss’s opinions and decisions as highly as the boss does, and to then feel privileged to help him carry them out.  Interestingly, (at least to football fans) he described Bill Parcells as this type of coach, and noted that while he is great at one year turnarounds, he will never be able to sustain a great team with his leadership style.  My sentiments exactly, having observed Parcells for a number of years with a number of teams.

Many leaders understand only one application of Proverbs 18:17, notably the need to hear both sides of a dispute between marriage partners or other disciples who have experienced unresolved relational challenges.  Those of us who have done much counseling know that hardly anyone’s viewpoint in a relationship is 100% correct, and the other side’s view simply must be heard before firm conclusions are reached.  Therefore, if we are wise, we don’t form a hard and fast opinion until we have heard both sides.  But we often totally miss other highly important applications of the biblical principle.

For one example, I have had conversations with people who were disturbed by something they have seen in others (or thought they had seen), and to my amazement, they had formed a very strong opinion about other’s hearts and motivations without ever even talking to them and hearing their side of it.  Yet, their approach when talking with the one in question was highly conclusory in nature-- as a one man judge and jury, they so trusted their opinion that they came to me with very definite conclusions.  Not only is such an approach arrogant, it is biblically unloving, because it constitutes a clear violation of the Golden Rule.  How much better it would be to come in a humble, loving manner in searching for the truth, in an approach which would strengthen the relationship rather than straining it.  Humility in such situations would prompt us to say something like this: “I have seen something which concerns me, but I haven’t heard your side of it yet.  Please help me understand what is going on.”  When expressing our opinions about others, we would do well to consider both Proverbs 18:17 and its sister passage which states:  “He who answers before listening ? that is his folly and his shame” (Proverbs 18:13).

Another very important application of this biblical principle involves more directly the issue of leadership and how leaders reach decisions.  From the outset, a truly great leader has the humility to realize that he does not know everything about every subject.  Hopefully, he even has the humility to realize that he doesn’t know nearly as much as he thinks he does.  In other words, he knows that he can be wrong and that he assuredly does not know how to choose between good, better and best consistently without the help of others.  By now you are hopefully beginning to realize that great leadership is actually team leadership, often called consensus leadership.

The captain of “Star Trek, the Next Generation” understands great leadership.  He often calls together his top leader group and asks them their opinion on important decisions to be made.  He listens carefully as they share their insights, and follows up by questioning them to make sure he understands exactly what they are saying.  Then he makes a decision, but even then allows them to question it at this juncture.  Sometimes he changes his decision as they provide further input and sometimes he sticks with his guns.  But he is the best kind of leader-- a great one and therefore a decisive one.

A leader who tends to be of the control variety produces reactions and results in leaders under him that he neither understands nor embraces.  His leaders do not feel valued nor appreciated, for they do not really have a voice in major decisions.  He comes to them with decisions already pretty well made, and the best that they can hope for is to be able to fine tune the decisions or to perhaps block some (which makes everyone uncomfortable and does little to deepen relationships and brighten the working atmosphere).  The secondary leaders do not own the decisions to the fullest extent and therefore do not accept the responsibility when they fail.  And the top leader has attitudes toward the leaders under him who question him, feeling that they are not really loyal, while he is drawn to younger leaders who have not yet matured to the point that they are no longer adequately motivated by his controlling style of leadership.

At heart, the issue is one of relationship.  A campus minister works with all newer converts, and he is more like a parent to young children.  They know so little about the ministry that he pretty much spoon feeds them, and they respond well to such leading.  However, as these young Christians age, they have to be led in an age-appropriate manner, which demands more of a consensus style approach.  Neither our children nor God’s will respond well to being treated like five year olds when they are fifteen.  Jesus, being the world’s best leader, understood and implemented this principle wonderfully well.  In John 13:13, he said:  “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am.”  However, he later recognized their growing maturity and his changing relationship with them.  “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).  In other words, he was no longer doing all of the thinking and planning independently, but pulling them into “everything” that was a part of God’s plan for them.  The end result was that they were willing to do anything to carry out that plan, including die as martyrs.  After they had been taught his and his father’s philisophy, Jesus both valued and trusted them to be a circle of friends, collectively leading the ministry.

Bottom line, a great decisive leader is not one who has all of the best ideas and who makes all of the decisions as the top leader.  He just initiates the process of making decisions, rallying around him the ones who are going to be responsible for implementing the decisions.  He leads the discussions and makes the final decision after getting the best input possible.  Then those under him will gladly fight tooth-and-nail to implement the decisions, knowing that the decisions are theirs as well, and in the event of failure, they will not be guilty of blame-shifting.  It will be a team effort.  But rest assured that employing consensus techniques only to placate those under your leadership will not ultimately satisfy them, because your true motives will be perceived by them at a heart level.

I think one fear that many ministry leaders have is that if they do ask for other’s opinions, they will open themselves up to bad attitudes if they do not end up going in the direction of opinions they receive.  Somehow we assume that asking for input and ideas will make people start thinking and developing opinions, which may then be disappointed.  Mark this down:  people are already thinking and replete with opinions whether you ask for them or not.  Further, letting people under your leadership express their opinions cannot be construed as negative no matter what the ultimate decisions turn out to be.  To completely drive the point home, just ask yourself how a wife or older children respond if the husband/father is either too proud or too fearful to ask them for their input.  Will the family really be better off if opinions are squelched by the family leader?  (Obvious answer, isn’t it?)  Then how will God’s family be better off with that sort of leadership (which is, after all, not in line with the Golden Rule-- how we want to be treated)?

Now, back to our brother who wonders if he can lead a strong woman.  It is a good question, and God in time will provide the answer.  But in the meantime, he must understand what great and decisive leadership is all about.  Being decisive does not mean that you make all of the decisions, but that you determine the process by which they will be made and then gain the other person’s understanding and approval of the process.  A marriage plaque in our home reads thus:  “The goal of marriage is not to think alike; it is to think together.”  A great leader welcomes the opinions of others, because it broadens his knowledge of the subject under consideration, and he relishes strong personalities around him who dare question his opinions.  Such a leader looks for the opportunity to make others feel heard and therefore valuable to the relationship.  It is team leadership, consensus leadership, Golden Rule leadership.  If you thought that the greatness of being a high level leader is in being able to call more shots yourself, you are going to be ineffective at best and downright dangerous at worst.  Being great and being decisive are two components which are always joined together.  The ultimate question is how being decisive is to be defined.

Do you feel threatened by the questioning of your opinions by those under your leadership?  When you do not have the opportunity to pull others into the decision making process, does that leave you feeling a bit unsettled or does it leave you relieved inwardly that you could make the decision without interference?  Do those under your leadership feel valued?  Do you feel that they are loyal to you if they question your opinions?  Do you often seek input from those under you about the way you have been leading?  Would others describe you as a model of humility or as a person who thinks he is just about always right?  Do you find that younger disciples and leaders think you are much more awesome than older disciples and leaders seem to think you are?  The answers to these questions say a lot about whether you are a control style leader or a consensus style leader.  We had better figure this one out, for leadership is far more than telling others what to do-- it is leading the way in a manner that elicits their full-hearted participation and subsequent appreciation for you as a leader.  Be great and be decisive, but for God’s sake, let’s all figure out what this really means!

Copyright © 1999 Gordon Ferguson. All rights reserved. Send a letter to the editor concerning this article