I've gotten a few messages like this. Things are going well, a few new articles being posted this month and some other projects in the works. But, other things in life are keeping me busy too!

Thanks SC, will do! Nice to hear from you.

Everybody goes through phases of their spiritual lives where things that once mattered quite a bit don't seem to matter as much. This is actually normal, not unlike the idea that a five-year-old child plays with different toys than a fifteen-year-old does. See the Barnabas Ministry article The Spiritual Life Cycle and the book review for The Critical Journey for more.

I'd suggest you take a look at the Barnabas Ministry articles Scriptural Reasons for Leaving a Church and Leaving an Unhealthy Church and the Grief Process. There are many legitimate reasons for leaving a congregation, but one ought to have some idea of what to expect in doing it and these articles can help with that.

:)

Primitivism can be attractive but certainly has its limitations. I haven't seen the Complete Jewish Bible nor the Jewish New Testament Companion.

Yikes! Simply, I think God gives pastors (and everybody else) a lot of freedom within the context of trying to do what he has commanded us to do. The parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14ff) comes to mind as an example. Yet, we are commanded, "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love (Galatians 5:13 NIV).  A simple test for any course of action within the scope of freedom-- it the action self-serving or others-serving? Beating on people verbally sounds like abuse to me, not preaching the word "with great patience and careful instruction." (1 Timothy 4:2)

This sounds like a classic case of someone who was once abused now becoming an abuser. Remember, Jesus commanded people not to follow "blind guides" (Matthew 15:14). 

You've experienced a loss, and that loss hurts. I'd recommend the article Leaving an Unhealthy Church and the Grief Process. There is no simple way to recover from a painful experience, but there are some healthy things you can do to move forward. And take heart-- just about every notable character in the Bible had a deeply hurtful experience at one point in their spiritual lives.

There is no registry for abusive leaders, no one to report them to. I'm glad for that, by the way. Who would be in charge of it? How could allegations be verified? Could somebody get "off" the list if they repented? Add to this the reality that one person's abusive pastor is another's spiritual hero, and that some people actually like being mistreated, and it's an issue too big for anybody to really deal with.

To me the best solution is to confront the issues, and as long is there is a prospect of salvaging the situation, continue to work for improvement or change. If it becomes evident that improvement will not be coming, or if you find yourself being marginalized and mistreated, or that the "bad" starts outweighing the good, or that the problems are just getting in the way of living the life God has called you to live, it's probablty time to go.

The Delphi Forums are one place where I've seen good discussion about these things. But you also have to be careful in online forums. Be careful giving out personal information or specific details, and don't believe everything you read. This topic is generally too intense for most relationships. A good therapist can be a great resource for talking about the problem. While an abusive church has its unique elements, there are a lot of similarities between that and other dysfunctional, abusive situations that other people go through. A therapist can help with finding groups where people with similar traumas can talk about them and heal. Check out the Barnabas Minsitry article "Finding a Counselor" for more on this.
 

Glad you liked it!

I'm glad to hear things are going better for you. I published this whole story here because (sadly) these things are just all too common, and by sharing what you've experienced you can help others see they are not alone or unique in the things they experience.

I don't consider the promises from Genesis to be particularly relevant to modern Israel, since this covenant to Abraham has been superseded by the covenant of Jesus. Also- remember that Abraham's descendents are not just Jews. Abraham had many sons, Isaac was just one of them. Isaac had 2 sons, and Jacob (the father of the nation of Israel) was one of them.

You are welcome!

You're welcome. You can get the book from Amazon or other retailers, here's the Amazon link.

Thanks for taking the time to write, you bring a mature and experienced voice to the discussion of dealing with tough church situations.

It's always an encouragement to me to hear that the materials and information here is helpful. Thanks for sharing the good news.

What you speak of is one of the most difficult things about these abusive church situations. I wish there was an easy answer for your situaion, but there isn't one.

You are welcome.

Many ICC congregations published various apologies in the wake of the Kriete letter. These can be found on various places on the internet. Whether there has been actual repentance (change of behavior and not a mere letter of apology, explanation or regret), that is another matter. I will leave it to those more intimately associated with ICC congregations to speak to these things.

I don't know where you get the idea that this website says spiritual abuse is ok. I don't support spiritual abuse in the least.

One reason spiritual abuse happens is because is looks like "it works" to the victims for a time. And some people are able to benefit from the systems that practice spiritual abuse and then shake off the negative things when they start to appear. Some cannot. This website is dedicated to helping people understand and deal with unhealthy and abusive patterns in churches.

However, a totalitarian "solution" is even worse that the problem it would seek to address. Worse, who is going to decide what gets to exist and what doesn't get to exist?

When churches, leaders or members cross the line and engage in criminal behavior (such as sexual abuse, assault, or fraud)-- there are laws on the books to address these items and these ought to be prosecuted as is appropriate.

One of the enduring connundrums of the issues you raise is the fact that the same programs and processes that help some people (in one stage of their lives) hurt others (in a different stage of life). The Scriptures encourage us to "bear with the failings of the weak" and I suppose this is one case where that  might find application. You don't want to ruin things that help some people, but neither do you want to do an "emperor's new clothes" routine and act like these things don't have their drawbacks or shortcomings. My advice is to not let those things drive you crazy or hurt your faith. Realize that the path to your growth may not be found on those paths.

I'm always glad that there are things on the website that help people. Thanks for writing.

If you are a member of a denomination, there may be some recourse in reporting to some headquarters. Beyond that, there is no place that I know of to report anybody. We can take heart that God already knows. However, if there is criminal activity such as fraud, or sexual assault, these can be reported to the civil authorities.

I'm not sure what detail you'd like to see concerning Matthew 18:15-21. The reference to it in the article is about confronting individuals for individual sin.

I've seen Matthew 18:15-21 used to confront and remove people involved in particular sins. I've not seen it done on abusive people, and I would be surprised if that were ever to occur. Usually anything going before the church on the basis of Matthew 18:15-21 is sanctioned by the leadership (I'm not saying that's the way it should be, I'm just saying that's the way it is nowadays), and abusive people are typically leaders (non-leaders just don't have much opportunity to be abusive).

Further, when a leader engages in abusive behavior, there is usually a group of people who will defend him to the hilt. I've seen this many times. The whole point of Matthew 18 is that the church is in unanimous agreement in the matter and it leads the sinner to repentance. But one common technique in abusive leadership is deliberately dividing the church; this is one of the factors that makes it so difficult to address.

My thoughts on this question are summarized in the articles Confronting Those in Authority and When Confronting Doesn't Bring About Change, and Why Churches Can't Change.

Glad to hear the article is helpful.

I'm sad to hear of stories like yours, but I am not surprised. I hope and pray you find peace and guidance on your journey.

It's sad to hear of your situation. Perhaps some of the lessons in the Spiritual Recovery Class audio series can help you address this situation in your congregation.

I wish there was an easy answer for this, but there isn't. I have a couple of ideas for how I'd approach this.

First, get familiar with the Law. Read it, study it. You might consider outlining it. The point is that you need to be familiar enough with the Law to be able to recognize areas where the New Testament makes reference to it. There are various direct and indirect references all over the NT, as well as instances where the symbolism of the Law is used to illustrate a point or the like.

Second, remember that Acts (and the rest of the NT) is more likely to address your question than the gospels. Acts covers how the church put Matthew 28:18-19 in place. It also shows how they handled the Law (which was no longer in effect), whereas the gospels show Jesus discussing the Law while it was still in effect.

Simply, no.

All Scripture needs to be understood in context. If context can be ignored, we can make Scripture say pretty much anything we want.

The promises to the Israelites as they went into the promised land defined the entire nation of Israel, in contrast to all other peoples.


And these promises to Israel were conditioned upon their obedience. We know that this arrangement did not end well for the Israelites:

God certainly is a kind God, providing numerous blessings to all (Matthew 5:45, Acts 14:17). He also answers prayer and performs mighty acts even to this day. Yet Christians of all ages have also been subject to persecutions and hardships (ref. 2 Timothy 3:12). Some have even chosen poverty, given up attractive careers and monetary "blessings" or chosen dangerous missions as a result of that faith (e.g. Philippians 3:8). If the promises to Israel were true for them, then where were their "blessings?"

We need not worry about that; the covenant has changed. It is about knowing God and being forgiven.

I have written a study Gospel Proclamations and Responses in the Apostolic Church. This study examines the very question you are asking about. I have not specifically addressed Kip McKean's teachings by name, but as you read it (especially the later chapters) you will recognize many themes that have characterized his theology.

In answer to your question about being under the authority of a pastor or elders somewhere, it seems to me that if you are part of a local congregation, you should indeed submit to them where appropriate.

However, if you are not a member of a local congregation, or the work is outside of the scope of their responsibility, I don't see any Scriptural need to put yourself under such an authority. The New Testament church did not have such a requirement. While some leaders or missionaries had such "sponsoring" relationships (Acts 13:1ff comes to mind), this cannot be said of all of them- for example, those scattered in the persecution of Stephen (Acts 11:19-21). This lack of requirement is evident in the Acts 15 incident with the teachers from Jerusalem going to Antioch.

From then until now, the church has wrestled with this issue. Some have supposed that "letters of recommendation" (like the one in Acts 15, also see 2 Corinthians 3:1) might protect the church from false itinerant teachers. However, Paul rightly saw what mattered was truth and character (2 Corinthians 3:3). Many derive a false sense of comfort and assurance when ministers are sponsored by or subservient to a larger organization; they never seem to think that the larger organization or sponsoring individuals could be wrong or untrustworthy. In so doing, they allow such sponsorship to replace their own responsibility to exercise spiritual discernment when needed.

Having said all of that, you should consider bringing mature Christians into some form of involvement with respect to your work. Depending upon the scope of the effort, such a "board" could be of great benefit to both yourself and the beneficiaries of your work. Real relational involvement provides both you and others involved in your work with encouragement, support and guidance. The Proverbs are full of instructions about seeking advice.

With the Barnabas Ministry, I have a close circle of Christian friends that I use as a "sounding board" to help me from time to time. The Barnabas Ministry and I have benefited from their help on many occasions.

You're welcome!

Great question! If you really want private correspondence, use the "confidential assistance" link on the main page. For other letters, I'll put down the date and a non-identifying name to protect people's privacy. I'll also edit for length, clarity or the like to make it as useful as possible for readers. I also will x-out names of others in the letter unless they are public figures.